hello, I have not posted in a while, I have been doing what I should have done a long time ago – Ignoring my ex.
A lot has been happening. I limited the contact with our daughter (a couple of hours per week) but even that did not feel right. My ex was claiming benefits, telling me his latest victim story and he got a 16 month drink driving ban in April.
He could not pick our daughter up, I saw signs he was “skint “again, cupboards bare and when he was meant to have contact with our daughter , he could not buy her dinner as he had zero food in the house, not even a toilet roll and not even a pound for a sausage roll from the bakers. I had to but food so he could feed our daughter and something in me just snapped – No More.. I really did not want this anymore.
I reached my line as my gut told me he is gambling again. I told him he could not offer our daughter anything, could not pick her up, could not afford bus fares to see her, could not even supply a toilet roll in his house, and once again his addiction was more important so now I have ended it. Everything. No contact with his daughter, no contact with me and No more Gambling Addictions affecting my life.
I am the strongest I have ever been. I have had no contact with him directly, nor seen him, since April. I spoke to our daughter and she was absolutely fine. She surprised me by saying I am not bothered about seeing him mummy as I would rather be at home with you. So today we are living our lives completely gambling free and it is really good.
BUT – If only life was that easy. I have realised that when the CG is ‘playing you like a fiddle’, getting what he wants, and getting something from you, then all is good but the minute you say NO, I have had enough, I am not allowing my kids to be let down again and again, It is Over then wow — His anger, his threats and that ‘monster’ appears again.
So now he has no job, on benefits, lots of time on his hands and an anger at me (when he was the one who could not provide for his daughter, choose to have no money, choose to drink drive, choose to break the law on more than one occasion, choose to lose his job)… and he is threatening to take me to court. He wants access to our daughter, he is entitled to legal aid ( I work full time and I would have to pay a lawyer at a very expensive cost) and he has been issuing me with lawyers letters.
I have been stressed, I have cried, I know what I am doing is right and not out of bitterness or revenge as I could have done a lot worse in the beginning when I had feelings I cannot even write about here because that addiction was turning me into someone with horrible thoughts.
I am protecting my daughter and me from more hurt, let downs, criminal activity and a gambling addiction that he wont admit is destroying him.. I have given him so many chances with our daughter but I wont be bailing him out anymore,making excuses about why daddy has no money, cant drive, can’t even buy a loaf of bread and give her a sandwich. So I am having to keep all my strength to fight.
It is the last piece with my CG. It has to be.
So a lawyers letter was sent to me with my ex as the victim again. I represented myself, I wrote a lengthy response back outlining the facts and he denied it all. My wee girl is upset, been clingy to me, has wet pants again and does not want to go to her dads. it is also affecting her relationship with her grandparents as she went to their house and although they know my wishes, they let my daughter have contact with my ex in their house. My ex has them truly manipulated again and they see me as the bad one.
I know in my heart I have stopped contact for the right reason. I know having a CG who is continuing to tell lies, to gamble, to be skint, to be involved in criminal activity and to be in denial – is not the right father figure for my wee girl just now. I have willed so many times for my ex to stop but I honestly believe he wont.
I am staying strong. No contact with him has been good. I wish Vera, I had done it earlier, I perhaps wasnt ready . Now there is nothing in it for me. And when there is nothing in it for him I see his true colours – anger, more lies and him still being the victim. When will this man grow up?
So, armour is on. If court takes place then I will fight with everything I have and I will be honest . My biggest strength is my honesty. I even phoned the benefits hotline and reported my ex for claiming PIP falsely as I think it is so awful that you can pretend to have a disability and be awarded for this when genuine people need help more.
I never ever thought I would say that my boxing gloves are on. I have never wanted to fight but I never wanted to be on my own, with 3 kids and have lived a life with the devasting effects of living with my ex’s awful addiction, I wasn’t in control of that but I AM NOW.
Thank you all for listening and always helping me. I am glad I have been able to post again.