LAura .
Thank you for your posts – both of themselves.
I hope you don’t mind but I have copied and pasted the one you wrote further up my thread here as I felt it was to valuable to lose further up the thread .
By Laura –
Omg IDI, Geordie, Monica, Vera, et al,
you are trying to make my lazy mental muscles get to work on a post worthy of this discussion! So here goes!
This State gambling help organization provides a breakdown of the people they’ve helped by escape vs action gamblers as well as by a whole host of different factors. Probably one of the pages you came across IDI.
http://www.azccg.org/Differences.html
Very interesting and in the end describes a broad group of people with all sorts of room for overlapping behaviours and reasons for gambling. And for all the differences, there are a lot of similarities especially in the end phase of gambling addiction.
And this is where I will make my comment re the f&f’s. I have often found that I identify as much with the f&f’s that are on the forum getting support as I do a fellow CG. Quite often they are a co dependant caretaker or at least a caretaker who isn’t having their needs met! Just wondering whether they should stay or go, much like most of the ladies that I know here who are in relationships. It’s rare that I’ve heard anyone say their partner is wonderful and gambling is having no affect on the relationship, no matter which side of the coin you are on. And the parents, well like most parents, I think they are just worried about their child’s future and trying to understand this baffling condition that has gotten a hold of them. Do they need tough love, do they need more love. Children can be a worry no matter the age.
Being a CG doesn’t make you evil and being an F&F doesn’t mean you will be a saint either. Ha or a Martyr for that matter. lol Takes all kinds to make this big old world go round and as you said, we can’t paint everyone with the same brush. In most cases the F&F’s on the forum are sincere about understanding the addiction and getting support for themselves, but also for their partners. Now as far as our own personal F&F’s are concerned, well, mine wouldn’t be concerned enough about supporting me to be here. And as far as support for him, what would he need support for he would say, he’s not the one with the gambling problem! He’s very assured of himself in his comfort zone any way.
My GA group was made up with several escape male gamblers. There were also several male action gamblers (according to these definitions). And there were those which I honestly could not tell if they weren’t perhaps both at the same time. But every last one of them could say the smartest, most intelligent, kindest things. And I got something from every last one of them.
I too found sometimes the literature at GA to be contrary to me. A reading about how a CG used to be too big for their britches and big feeling about themselves when in action and learning to be more modest and in touch is perhaps not the best reading say for the a female CG married to the alcoholic bully who has trampled her self esteem. But I just look for any nugget in the reading, or if I express this feeling sometimes someone else has a different take.
After saying all of this I’m not sure if I’ve completely gotten off topic, but I definitely found the information about why I may be gambling, in black and white helped validate my feelings. And they are my feelings. Just as you and everyone here is allowed to have their feelings. Does this mean I cast type everyone or pigeon hole everyone? No. Because after all of I have written I haven’t even mentioned what a difference in personalities, or life circumstances, health conditions, past traumas or 100’s or maybe 1000’s of other things that make us all up differently. But so many of the tools that help a compulsive gambler helps all compulsive gamblers. To me that is the benefit of things like GA and GT. They provide an opportunity and a place to share the things that work! A software blocker can help all CG’s.
I’m glad that you and others have found the information that I posted in the links useful. I know I did. I also love the conversations and discussions that have somehow been created from your absolute right to digest it and post about it and discuss.
I am sure I have missed so many points but I need to now catch up again I think lol.
It was good to see you in Chat. Have a great weekend!
Laura