Last year at this time I was headed to the airport to pick up my wife from her annual trip overseas to visit her parents. I was an emotional wreck, having just been on a gambling binge after 9 or so months gamble free. I was near suicidal, just really down and out, feeling like a complete failure. After putting my wife through so many trials and tribulations over the years, and seemingly having pulled it together for 9 months, it all came rushing back, and here I was at day 2 again feeling defeated. Total humiliation.
Well, I am off to pick up my wife at the airport again today after her annual trip. It will feel so good to look her in the eyes and tell her I love her and honestly say that I have not gambled. I have access to money and credit, but chose not to gamble each day she was away. I feel balanced, relaxed, more confident, and much more comfortable with who I am.
There is hope. Don’t give up, even after relapses. It takes work! Giving up gambling and fighting through addiction feels like an insurmountable challenge sometimes. I have found that by breaking it down day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute, and doing whatever it takes in each of those time increments to not gamble is the key. I found that I needed to give up access to money, I had to reach out and talk with someone that I trust, I had to rely on others to help me through it. When I got the addiction out in the open, it lost a lot of its power over me. I journaled. I attended GA meetings. I explored what is bothering me deep inside and really worked on resolving those issues. Gambling addiction is typically a symptom of underlying psychological issues that need attention and resolution.
It takes time and work, but it is possible to get well and have a happy life. Like one of my mentors always said, sometimes bad things happen in life- adding gambling to them will always make them worse, never better.