So last gamble was 9 days ago. Still very depressed but not trying to think about that past. What is done is done. I have to live with it. I will always have t live with the fact that by not being to stop this addiction sooner, even though I knew it was hurting me, it has truly wrecked my life. But at 42 everyone tells me I am young. I’ll take that on trust. I feel like 80 sometimes.
9 days – and only now am I approaching something like acceptance. I am a CG. That’s all there is to it. I couldn’t give it up because I was addicted and I though I could hide it. Warning warning. To think that is a healthy way to live, that you have to hide an addiction that you ‘enjoy’, that you can’t share this ‘hobby’ for fear of what people say? What kind of a hobby is that? That’s shame right there.
I think of the amount of time spent playing poker when I should have been working, planning – running my own business. Instead, I was able to play all I wanted and no one could sack me. What a sad sack of shit I am. Pathetic.
Well, the truth will out as they say.
Today is day 10 – that is the longest length of time that has not be imposed on me.