I second the thought of IDI. A simple reward of someone recognizing the effort you are putting forth to stop, and the pain/strength it takes to do it, is very important!
Do not feel bad about yourself because of relapse. Feel good that you recognize the effect it has on you. I personally have thoughts of gambling, all of the time. I think I can control myself and play smart….but then I think of all of the other times where I thought the same thing, and I embarrassed myself, and let my friends and family down. But nothing worse than letting ourselves down.
I have dreamed about winning the lottery, and taking care of my problems with one swoop…but, honestly, there is a part of me that is terrified that I would be one of those stories of someone who “had it all” only to piss it away.
It took me many years to recognize that I only stopped gambling sessions because I ran out of money, and had no other options to get any at that time… and when I was able to get my hands on some, I would gamble again! That is not “normal” behavior, and I know I am not alone on this site.
I enjoy GT because we have all been there.. Your thoughts are my thoughts, and the thoughts of many others. But I think it is important to know that you are not alone in your struggles.
Friends, and family cannot possibly understand, and very simply judge unfairly, they are lucky not to be in a cycle of addiction, and frankly it sucks to be in one. But what can we do? Do we sit here feeling sorry for ourselves, and keep repeating our embarrassing /destructive behavior? Or do we do something about it?…The fact you are here, sharing your thoughts speaks volumes to me that you are trying to do something about it….remember, there is no try without fail, and there is no success without trying!
Stay strong
Johnny B
