Keep writing and keep checking in. Join multiple groups at once (I did).
I know that feeling of being trapped in a void of absolute despair and feeling/seeing no way out … paralysis. I know exactly how you feel I’ve been there. Numb in the dark.
You said yourself you have had periods of actually having a normal life. Let me ask you, how much have you written about the emotions and thoughts of who this gambler person in you is and what is being felt prior to the urge, during the urge? What depths of emotions are there?
What’s so tricky about gambling is sharp depression as well as feeling really good can both be triggers to gamble. It doesn’t matter if you’re feeling low or feeling confident and amazing about your life — each can be a twisting by the gambling beast to add gambling to “spruce things up”
the language of the gambling beast that makes its way into us as an alter ego of sorts is that of deceit … the deceit that random outcomes that eventually lead to failure is fun … the deceit that guaranteed loss is fun … the deceit that impulsive randomness can bring back what was lost in the past.
Truly it is an addiction to chance and a numbing/pushing away of perception of risk … I know the voice of gambling always wants me to look on the sunshiny parts of making an initial rush of money without considering risk.
Guard your heart and soul from risk, keep writing, and don’t give up.
Much love and support <3
Make today gamble free