Keep fighting Adam………..I honestly dont know what to say as in truth apart from I am in exactly the same place as you my friend, I have had really good recovery time and like you my happiest days of my life have been when ai have been in recovery and gamble free.
Also like you I have slipped up and really struggling to get back on track, now we all know the importance of the phrase but I have to ask myslef the question do I………..”we must always stay away from our next bet” I am fine…..life is great but as soon as I place “that next bet” it opens up every door I have worked so hard to close and sets my life back on that path of destruction.
Adam you have done it before and you can do it again my friend, just for today I made the choice to gamble and as always it was the wrong one, like you I have placed myself in a massive hole and more than I choose to share with you tonight as you have your own issues, you can get yourself out of it my friend and trust me so can I but we just have tobdo what we know is right.
I cannot tell you what to do as I cannot seem to do it myself, but what I do know is we have a choice and I just wished I choose to do the right thing 25 years ago when I placed my first bet.
Please trust me when I say I understand how you feel, today I feel worthless, desperate, destroyed, angered and many more feelings I just cant express at this point in time.
I share this so you know you are not alone but I mainly share this to say you know if we fight hard and do the right thing our lives will get better.
Adam I wish you well my friend and stay strong, keep fighting and never ever give in.
Maverick