I am actually in day 8. Wow. You would think that that would not be so big a deal to me since I didnt start to gamble until I was 47, so it should not be such a big part of my everyday life. It is the time in between all of the daily activities that I have to fill now with something else. Because I have self excluded from every site I have been on now if I want to gamble I have to find a site that will accept me and register and make sure that they accept my payment methods and so on and so on. It’s a lot of work. I also have to get a computer to play on and that means asking the kids to lend me one. Not so easy. Even if I can get one I have to ask them to log on for me as i have told them not to let me have the passwords so that i dont “surf endlessly and waste my time”. Every step is a reminder that i dont have control so i slowly am backing away from even trying. It does get a little easier each day.
I was amazed yesterday how good it felt to have something to do and then just do it. 100% done. For the last couple of years i have had a list of things to do everyday that i would think about, start doing some but never finish anything. I would easily get overwhelmed by it all and just lose myself in gambling so that I wouldn’t have to think about it. I have a garden and a beautiful back deck this year that I can actually relax in. That’s worth all of the time I am giving up on the life sucking slots. I feel proud.
Hope everyone can enjoy that feeling of accomplishment that comes from choosing their life over their illness. It feels good.