Just got back from GA which was an open meeting celebrating many members abstinance of over 1 year. There were eople with 1, 2, 3, 5, 8 and 10 years gamble free, still going to GA. Added to that were friendly and families of members. There were 60 people in the room. It was amazing, supportive, full of love. I needed it so badly after the day I had today – all of my own making.
I had a chat with a member who has been free from gambling for 4 years and we discussed what is going on with me. I am looking to the past, instead of looking at the now and the future (which I know). He used the metaphor of a rearview mirror. The little note at the bottom “Things appear closer in the mirror than they really are”. He suggested that I see my past in a rear view mirror. They are not as close as I think – and as I drive forwards, they will get smaller and smaller. It is important than I can still see them, to remind me what could happen if I gamble. What is behind me will suddenly be inforont of me – but in time they will recede to a distant memory. I don’t need the rear view mirror that much, just the occiasonal glace – but at the moment i am looking at it all the time, and it means i can’t see where I am going.
I am a visual person and this resonated with me.
I feel in a much better place now. I feel more secure in what I have to do. I accept what has happened, that actually there was no way of avoiding what happened. I am grateful the damage isn’t greater, as it could have been if I had used company funds to gamble with – which I didn’t.
i am still alive, I have a beautiful son, a wonderful family and great freinds. Everything else is fluff.
There are amazing people on his site, generous people who take the time to read my posts, which means a lot. I was lucky tonight that I was invited to give my therapy, which I needed. Amazingly many members thanked me for it, an d I met new and wonderful people tonight. I am grateful and thankful to them all.
One of our members is a butcher and I bought some homemade fresh sausages and 2 free range steaks from his butchers, in posh Hamstead Heath. Gonna cook a smack-up sunday lunch with maches potates, fresh veg and homemade cake for desert on Sunday to treat the family.
I’m gonna try and start living again, one day at a time. Things are not as bad as they seem – I am catastrophising, and I bored of it.
Thank you, have a wonderful evening, and I hope to see you all soon.
All my love, thanks and gratitude
M