ive had a tough couple of days and lots of time alone to think about my actions and what this addiction is doing to me. i struggling to come to terms with this addiction now than ever. I think its time i start being honest to myself about this obsession. Do i love to gamble? No i dont, i can honestly say i hate it and the obsession of numbers that come along with it. Ive tried many different ways to get gambling out my life from GA to counselling and even been in the Gordon Moody House. All these attempts have made an impact in different ways and have confused the hell out of me that i cant think logically. I think i know now after gambling and having time to think that its time to get back to basics and try clear my mind of my failings and get back to what i believe has worked in the past. GA it worked for me. I cant doubt that, it really made me stay off a bet and i was positive and proud to say “no im not gambling today because im a cumpulsive gambler” and i could say that to almost anyone. Id leave meetings full of energy and positive thoughts, and would struggle to sleep at night with thinking about what had been said in meetings. I need that back because im fighting a losing battle, im out of control. Time will heal this and hopefully ill mature and lose this from my life with the help of other gamblers, people who understand me. Ive sat for two nights looking at these daft machines in bookmakers thinking about how daft i am and how much they want people like me playing them. The industry has no care and would take your last penny. Its why self exclusion is worthless because its all an image they are creating to pretend they care. I hate them. I know there not going to go anywhere but so i need to try turn this round my way and not give them another penny. im destroying my life, im 25 and been here s many times that im numb with it all which i think makes it worst cause its like i dont care, no energy to deal with it, completely deflated. Today needs to be the first day of the rest of my life. Today is day 1, and i know ill manage it no problem with no money, it when it comes to payday, days leading up to this i have to defend myself with everything i can to stay positive and strong to move on and remove gambling from my life.
9 November 2014 is the day it Stops.
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