You said, “I wonder about driving off the cliff on my way home from the casino.” I feel that talk of ending your life means that you really want to CHANGE your life. You are wanting a new life without gambling – not the life you have now with it. Please contact a helpline in the country where you live if you need to talk this through – ending your life would devastate those around you and I am sure you would not want that.
I read your story and wondered how anyone could cope with all that is going on. Where are you getting your support from? I know you have a partner and maybe asking him to try and understand by reading the forums here including the “families and friends” area where there will be others who will share his concerns. Can you get support in handling your finances, in counselling, in finding alternatives to gambling, in self-help (such as GA?) Maybe you have already tried these things – I would be interested in hearing more.
Welcome to this group!