The reasons why we gamble (and gamble compulsively) are not simple and are a combination of brain physiology, past experiences, genetics and family history (and probably other stuff as well.) It will also be different for different people. The important thing is to recognise that we are people who cannot gamble “normally” and we cannot trust ourselves to stop.
I firmly believe that I cannot gamble on slots again because if I do I will go back into a cycle of losing, finding money to gamble with (probably using up savings and then getting deep into debt) getting more and more desperate. I have known gamblers who have ended up on the streets, in prison and even killed themselves – not from the gambling – but from having to deal with the havoc that the gambling has created. I stopped gambling on slots (apart from 2 or 3 “slips”) some 20 years ago – and yet I only paid off my debts earlier this year. Worrying about whether I can meet my bills, week after week, month after month, has taken its toll on my health and has meant that I have not been able to lead the life I wanted. I say this not so I will get a “poor soul” response – but to warn people of the long term consequences of gambling.
The time to stop gambling is now.
So block yourself from all the places both on and off line where you are likely to gamble. Cut yourself off from access to large sums of money (getting someone else to handle it, if you can) and get great support for yourself – from friends, family if you have any, from self-help groups locally (GA) and on the net (here in groups and the forum – or check out SMART,) counselling etc.
My advice to myself has always been to put as much effort into recovery as I did into my gambling. I have survived this addiction – I am sure, with effort, that you can too.