It’s day 16. I want nothing more than to plop myself in front of a slot machine or belly up to a card table. Not going to happen. I have plans with my son. Actually I never really gambled on the weekends he is with me and not by his dads… there is always later next week/weekend. However I have less than 300.00 till next pay and I will not go without a bigger bank roll. That way I have more to loose chasing losses. How crazy is that? . I know that if I really wanted to go to casino, i unfortunately have other ways to get money. I banned myself from a casino close to home so the two hour drive to another one does help as a deterrent. I banned myself 5 times from the casino near me. They do not offer lifetime bans only one year. I must have the record on self bans at that casino in one lifetime. I have to keep reminding myself of how I felt just a few weeks ago. Driving 2 hours to get home after being up for 36 hours. The tears, the regret, the shame, the fear of what’s to come, the racing thoughts… you know, the good ole hangover. Did I mention I looked like hell because I am a smoker but very occasional, however while gambling I chain smoke than my skin looks like I was dragged face down across cement. . Do I really want to feel that way again??? Never! At least not today.
