It was because my CG was waiting for me to mention the overwhelming pile of dirty clothes in the corner, as I had done for so many years before he changed his life that he had to learn to trust me. I admit I was waiting for something tangible from him, proof that he would not gamble again but I learned that a CG cannot give such a cast-iron agreement. It is nobody’s fault; it is the nature of addiction.
Like Lily I had a time apart from my CG and it helped me to clear a lot of the dirty clothes away so that when we eventually met again he could sense the pile, at the very least, was diminished. I appreciate that you are not in the same position as Lily and me – you are living together whilst trying to forge a new life and that is more difficult but it can and has been done many, many times that I know about.
You wonder if your husband is aware of how much he has changed you but I suggest he needs all his energy to keep himself in a good place and will not have time for such thoughts, CGs have to be on guard from their addiction 100% of the time in early recovery and worrying about someone else detracts from that which they have to do. It is selfish but it works. I think that one-to-one counselling may help you so that you can talk about the things you feel you cannot say to your husband because he isn’t ready to hear you yet. Hopefully in time you won’t feel the need for him to know how you felt because his new ‘normal’ will know without any words from you
I agree we can’t change the past and strange as it may seem I wouldn’t want to do so anymore. You love your husband so give him time to live gamble-free and give yourself time to clear the pile of dirty clothes away – the two things go hand in hand.
Keep posting
Velvet
