You wouldn’t be on this site today if you hadn’t have been to GMA, well probably not.
Listen mate. doing two jobs but ignoring some ongoing support was a big mistake for you. You might just as well have been signing on.
I don’ know how much financial shite you’re in, its up to you if you want to share, but working two jobs to pay it off is a bad thing without the support I promise you, I know from my own personal experience. Just three months after I left GMA I was very very close to getting my sixth prison sentence, and for why? For pulling a massive fraud to gamble on my “lucky” numbers coming in. Hopefully they would so I could pay back the money I swindled and “get away ” with it. How f’in ludicrous is that, think about it..bloody utterly stupid.
I always get mixed emotions when #I look back at the actual gambling itself. Standing there either stuffing money in the machines or being hypnotised by the bloody roulette. Maybe up a fair bit one minute, not even enough for bus fare the next. I feel angry that I allowed myself to get sucked in again and can call myself all the stupid so’n’so’s under the sun. I feel sad that that was my life, nothing else mattered. I accept it was me back the, in the past, its not now, not today. I should hopefully feel the same tomorrow and once tomorrow becomes today I’ll know.
My own opinion is that you’re thinking about gambling and payday because you still want to gamble. In fact I’d go as far to say it’s blatantly obvious. (I’ve been there, I’m not cured, I’ve been right there and am comparing to how I felt, I expect it’s the same?). This is nothing I’ve learnt from a book, it’s something I’ve lived, and through living it I have learned.
You really have to lose that desire to gamble.
I doubt anything I say will really help you. You havn’t said much about your self. Are you young and at home with parents, or married, or live on your own. The more you’re prepared to share, the more benefit you will get, and probably will get you more support.
I can assure you all is not lost, you just can’t see it yet. And as long as that desire to gamble is there…you are at risk to yourself, you wont see it. As long as that desire is there the harder you’ll find it to make the right choice.
When I used to write about the fobt’s my first thought was always about having piles of money and loads of winning tickets. I’d remember my big wins. Automatically every time. That’s what I’d visualise. I don’t now though when I think about them now I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, if gambling ever crosses my mind I visualise myself physically punching or slapping my mother, daughter and grandson, or even worse,…because in effect that’s what I’m doing. Or rather that’s what it would be on par with if I were to ever go near one of them machines again. Another slap in the face for them all with each spin. No thanks, not today. It is so painful to visualise I must cognitively, or sub consciously, block gambling thoughts, so I don’t get them and I don’t therefore get urges. I have no desire to gamble anymore.
I think it was easier to remember the big wins because they were so few and far between, I’m on about the odd times you still have money left when the bookies close. At least you have a night off before going back again. You’d only borrowed it for the night.
So even if you think you can get lucky, you should acknowledge the fact you probably wouldn’t be able to walk away. I found it horrible winning in the first few spins, I had to be down at least half my money before I got any sort of sick thrill. Barking mad, pathetic, but yet I was not alone and people will always get sucked in. One person is too many they have thousands hooked on them now. You know its a computer, its programmed to pay out a certain amount therefore the winning numbers must be chosen by calculating the pay out. It cant be entirely random it must be programmed not to exceed the maximum payout, the only way it can do this is to calculate the payout on each individual number before the winning number is “randomly” chosen.
When I was new to this site I found out posting about my position helped me. Were you at Dudley or Beckenham?
You’re right mate, hindsight is a wonderful thing and I have plenty of it.
Lots of us here have had big wins, you probably have had some yourself. So what, look where its got you. You had a year off great man, really good. Shows you can do it. It will be easier now you only ever really commit to not gambling today. You done a year, so a day will be a doddle,
I think if you can get to some sort of group, if you’re serious about quitting, then it might help you. There is an open group tonight at 10pm. It might help you stop thinking about gambling. It hasn’t changed it will get you evertime, if you let it.
Bed time for me.
Take care.