I think addiction is a symptom of a deeper issue.
there is a series of activities that occurs before you place the first bet, some of them are immediately before.., some of them are distant… far away back in the chain of events, and when you make a bet you will get a dopamine rush and that makes the brain circuit for the action before it grows and makes it hard to stop because you need to get that dopamine rush again. I may have resolved the immediate activities part by road blockers and self “cognitive therapy” but the distant cause I have to figure out and overcome.
this time I am dealing with the gambling consequences without the hope that I could figure out how to trade in a safe way.
to the irony, this hope was helpful to regulate my mood, but it was the reason why I have relapsed.
so now I am facing the reality as it is. which is tough after years of addiction.
as I posted here before my new dream is just to live a normal life.