Hi Seri. I think these feelings are sometimes just part of being human in a complex world. They are not comfortable, but they do not necessarily last and they do not need to take over your emotions or life in general. For some, gambling brought some excitement/thrill/risk etc – a buzz that seemed to make things brighter and more interesting and kept anxiety and gloom at bay; then came all the downsides, of course. So, when you are living a more safe and stable lifestyle, maybe the very quietness of it all leaves more room for the feelings of doom to play on your mind? You wonder about going ‘walkabout’ or ‘running across America’ – what are those thoughts telling you about what you might need just now? Do you need to find some new hobby, physical challenge or something like that? – something that would be good for you physically and emotionally. Also, when you have been through experiences that created pain and anxiety, those feelings have become familiar to you and can creep back up on you. But you are now in a different place.
Just my thoughts on reading your post. Wonder what you think?
Monique