I’m getting ready for the usual conversations(if you can call them like that as it’s usually expressing his needs, feelings and promises he’s gonna stop’from Monday’). I know he has nearly finished the£300. I know cuz he started talking to me again, played for a while with kids and visited his mum. Coming back to life like nothing never happened..and I am very much dreading it. There is so many options how is he possibly gonna behave and what is he gonna say that my head is so full of thoughts and my stomach squeezed by thinking what is gonna happen. I know I can’t for any reason agree to give him money but I am weak at this or maybe he is so good to break me and for my little bit of peace I give up. Don’t know what tactic is best, I’ve tried I think all. And to simply ignore his behaviour is not possible at all especially when kids are watching.. I have tried to go out but he stands by the door, I run upstairs he follows me, he does crazy things that make me so upset, sick and at that moment I’m ready to walk away..and as I have nowhere to go and no money I’m stuck. I’m stuck in this house and he knows this. He knows I won’t be able to go anywhere and that is why I’m guessing he thinks he can do what he wants. Going to his parents is pointless, not effective and more stressful then staying. Talking politely, screaming, shouting, crying..nothing helps. I have no idea how am I gonna pass that.
And I still have to tell his parents he is gambling again..
Despite all my worries and duties I have managed to buy myself two pairs of shoes 😉 and it feels good..walking in town looking only for ‘my stuff’ was making me little bit happy and also i hope to meet my friend next week for chat. So I’m looking forward to that.
