If memory serves me correctly, I became a member here in 2007 under a different name. 11 years ago. I went through 2 years of knowing I had a problem but seeming to be unable to do anything to stop for any amount of time. As I just read here. 100 day 1’s. My world crashed in October 2009. My financial house of cards came crashing down as it usually does for a CG. Oct 29/09 my date one. It lasted over 5 years if that is a consolation to anyone reading this. Then about two years or so of on and off dabbling and gambling. Eroding a lot of the pride I had restored in myself 🙁 But, here I am almost a year later. No gambling. And I need to remember to keep it that way. I will never gamble sensibly again. I can’t walk away without extreme difficult or intervention. I would break up my marriage being in the wrong. I have rebuilt too much of my life to risk it again. I feel as though I’m trying to convince myself. I’ve had little thoughts of a hole in the wall i discovered where I would unlikely be discovered by anyone I know. Perhaps a workmate, but only another CG would go there. But I don’t really have desire which is a gift at the moment. I’m not scheduled to go anywhere near there for a while. This truly never seems to let a person go. Monster!
