I woke up feeling hopeful. But I know I shouldn’t be. I gambled the money I can’t afford to lose only 8 hours ago. And I know I usually feel hopeful in the morning. It’s the evening when the lurking beast in me usually attacks. When my wife and my kid are asleep and I have a couple of hours all to myself. It is then that I begin to rationalize that I can actually win (even though I absolutely positively KNOW I CAN’t) if I stick to my A game. It is then that I decide to put only a 100 or 200.
I had nightmares, worried sick about my future, but yet I feel hopeful this morning. I often feel hopeful in the morning, I know it means nothing. There are no insurances that in a day, two or three, I won’t think again it’s not all that bad and if I only play well I can beat the game. And I know for a fact I’m kidding myself, I know for a fact I can’t ever win.