Dear dairy
I Thought…
If I can walk away from picking up my first drink or first gamble.
I Thought…
If I can walk away after my first drink or gamble and stop drinking or gambling for a period of time.
I Thought…
maybe I could stop or walk away after I had a few drinks or few gambles.
maybe I can do control drinking or control gambling.
Sadly, a compulsive gambler or alcoholic can never drink or gamble like a normal person.
Thank you Vera, I needed this very much.
Yes, I only became powerless and lose control when I gamble and drink.
My life only start falling apart after I drank or gamble. If it did not happen all the times, then it happen most of the times.
I had enough, there is no need to prove anything to myself anymore. I had enough! After so many attempts and so many years of trying control gambling, I had enough.
I am a normal person when I didn’t gamble or drink.
I was really very surprise that I was not normal anymore after the gambling and alcohol. My life really start falling apart after that.
The risk is too great, the price is too heavy, one bad day and all hell can break loose.
I was such a stubborn person and didn’t believe that it can happen to me, but I shall be positive with all these setbacks.
I may take a long time to realize this and change but I will made full use of my remaining time to do whatever good I can. Not much time left…