I broke down at one Video Arcade and begged them not to let me in. They told me to order a beer and not pay for it. I lost so much money, and 2 days later I went again and lost a lot of money. I finally think I hit “rock bottom”. I cant stomach looking at all the money I lost and I know I think I finally realized I will never ever get this last eighteen months back. I’ll drive my old beat up car and do without and hate myself for a while until I can learn to forgive myself. I feel as someone has wished this on me. I have a sore throat and not going to GA until after the Holidays. What kind of person goes to GA and gambles after. I need to find a good therapist to see and will search one this coming year. For now the stress headaches and the fact that I dwell over all lost is not helping. The shame will bite me for a very long time. Today I thought there could possibly be no God to allow this to happen to me. I’ve already got one foot in the grave and hoping to keep the other one out. I’m hoping I just don’t have that attitude that 40.00 will win me 500.00 again because what I could of had in my life puzzles me. Savings gone totally. Keep me in your prayers please.
