I hope that everyone’s Christmas was awesome. My Grandson called me yesterday wishing me a Merry Christmas. He is having fun and was excited about the presents that Santa brought him in Hawaii. (3 lego sets and 4 books) He is keeping a journal of all the things he is doing so he can share it with his Mother and I. I miss him but I think this bonding time with his Dad is good for both of them. I decided yesterday to go from a blond (with a lot of gray) to a light brunette. I love it!!! I wasn’t sure I could pull it off but I love the results. I haven’t been taking care of my self properly, physically and spiritually. I need to start today. I have a nice salad prepared for lunch and fish and vegetables for dinner. I am going to unpack boxes today as I have come to a standstill on that and they are sitting in the spare bedroom. I don’t want to become complacent on my gambling addiction either. That is when I have a slip and I don’t want to go there again. It’s time to put my plans in action. I have had a few urges to gamble but have been able to get through them. Yesterday, I spent the day with my Mother and on the way home there was a song on the radio that reminded me of my Husband. Oh, after a lot of crying and sadness I finally was able to go to sleep. How long am I going to feel like someone is crushing my heart??? I can’t believe that in 2 weeks (1 year ago) is when we found out that my Husband had terminal cancer. I am trying hard to move on with my life but some days are really hard. I know that I can’t go back and change the past. I can only precede forward and be in charge of my future. It’s just so heartbreaking when you lose someone who was a part of your life. I am trying to cope and have found a grieving support group here that I am going to attend. Maybe that will help me put everything into prospective. I think you just have to get through everyday and do the best you can. Also, this was the first holidays and birthdays without him. Everyone tells me that it will get easier. I guess this is something that I just need to go through. I will be alright and it’s alright to be sad. Thanks for listening to me.
