I have always lived above my means .
My first paycheque ran out before the end of the month ( I needed clothes , makeup and I wanted nice brands ).
My first loan came soon after my first paycheque – it was nice to have a little money in the bank. I didn’t really need t , I just wanted it . I liked that I could wake up on Saturday and maybe be in another country by Saturday night if I felt like it .
I have been working for 26 years and never once have I been out of debt . Sometimes I have taken a big loan, paid off the little ones , and then by the time the £30,000 was paid off I would have had a lot of new little ones .
I guess that’s why when I first started to gamble online , I was completely sucked in by a big win that would pay everything. I was overjoyed – but of course I couldn’t resist going back to make more … and that was the start of the crazy gambling.
I now find myself, possibly for the first time ever, in a situation where I have no where to go for money. I am forced to start taking things seriously. I can’t stop obsessing about money . Deep down I know this might be a good thing as I need to get my finances sorted.
The big win no longer seems like a reality – I am self banned from so many sites that I can only go onto rubbish ones which most likely wouldn’t pay out any win , never mind a big win.
I always thought I fell into the “women gamble for different reasons” category but reading this it looks like I fall into the “bigshot “ category after all.
It’s amazing how I could only wear Clarins and Lancôme makeup in the past and now any on-sale supermarket brand works just as well!
It’s equally amazing how ten years ago (pre- crazy gambling ) the only sofas I liked were Italian leather and a fortune , and recently I was able to find a perfectly gorgeous sofa on gumtree for a twentieth of the price !
I can’t turn the clock back – but I can change my future .