I feel just the same as you, brother.
I also have the urge to “chase” after my losses. Hence my username.
It’s gone. I’m a compulsive gambler. This means that even if…by some miracle…I won my losses back by gambling, I would just keep on gambling and lose it all over again.
Winning is not even a good thing for me. It just compounds my problem and creates a ticking time-bomb for the eventual, inevitable big loss at the end.
Gambling is my vice. It takes away so much more than just money.
I wish you the best in your battle.