Good job reaching out for some help. You can and will escape the madness if you put your mind to it and use the support available to you. Try to focus on the now, redirect your thoughts to your recovery efforts if they drift back to your past gambling episodes or thoughts of remorse.
It is important not to worry about the lost money, we actually don’t need that much to survive anyway. Focus on acceptance first. Accept that you have a problem and that you can never gamble again. Accept that the money lost is gone forever and that trying to win it back is the worst thing you could do. Focus on being honest with yourself and those around you. Take it a day at a time, and know that the pain will ease with time gamble free, just try to be patient. It will sting and hurt for a while but it gets better.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned through my addiction is that relationships are paramount. I became obsessed with money (recovering what i lost) and sacrificed my relationships for a long time because of it. I became obsessed and couldn’t think of anything else. I was depressed and lost interest in life. I now have come to realize that the losses are meaningless in the context of my life and what I am here for. Once I was able to let go of my monetary losses and focus on living my life from now forward with a clean slate, things started getting a lot better.
I hope that this will happen to you too. I hope you will recover without going through more gambling episodes and more pain. But even if you relapse, remember that there is always another chance, and don’t ever give up. All the best to you.