I tried to call my partner on the phone today as I wanted to offload straight away before I talked myself out of it. He didn’t answer the phone. I wrote him a long text. I told him as much as I could in a text. I told him almost the truth. I told him it is a deep problem and could ruin me if I don’t stop now. That is the truth. I didn’t tell him how much money I’ve lost. Just said a lot. I asked him not to ask how much. As what is done is done. That I just need to move on from it. I haven’t heard from him yet. I know he has a really busy day and won’t be home for a few more hours. He is usually quick with responding to me about anything. This time he’s said nothing yet. So I’m hoping he’s just trying to digest the reality of what used to b my problem ( now OUR) problem. I’ve avoided this for so long. Not so I can keep gambling. And I thought it was just embarrassment. I realise that is embarrassment is one factor the other is… I just didn’t want it to become his problem too. I’m the fixer normally… For everyone I know. I’m not good at putting my burdens on others. I’ve just shared a major, nasty horrible burden. To someone I love, just so I can cope… How is that fair?
