Dear diary
I am still nursing my wound, I feel sad and disappointed now but I cannot afford to sit still and do nothing, I need to find any employment for the money immediately.
Every update in the journal has become my lesson.
Right from the beginning, when I lost my job, found out the sole bread winner at home has retired at the same time, lunar new year was around the corner and there will be heavy spending, I should have been more matured and responsible. I should have done the same thing that I was doing right now, find any employment for the money to cover immediate living expenses but I did not.
I did not have a sense of urgency, I was complacent, I had a false sense of security and safety when times was still good (…slowly turning bad). I waited and waited to do the right thing.
My sponsor has the foresight, he told me to get immediate employment during lunar new year. This is one of the very few times I didn’t listen to him.
Sometime things can change overnight, it can happen very fast. My sponsor understands me and know my weakness, this time has proven him right again.
I am feeling depress and not in the right frame of mind to do anything else right now except to do what I know has help me immediately.
Firstly, I am going to seek a closer relationship with God. Secondly to work the recovery program. Thirdly to find immediate employment. Fourthly gambling must not be an option regardless of situations and change.
I do all these because I love my family, otherwise recovery become meaningless. Other things can wait right now.
Everything will be fine by the grace of God.
I have experience worst, I will walk out of this, I just need to be discipline, focus and persevere, one day at a time. Over time, things will improve.
