Step 3.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Dear diary
3 years have past since I started to seek and follow God more closely. Slowly l watch how God bring changes to areas in my life where I have tried for many years and failed, these unbelievable changes convinces me why so many people all over the world follow God, study the bible, practice the 12 steps recovery program.
It only works when I give up my self-will and follow God’s will, give up my old way and follow God’s way.
God is righteous, God not only made me contribute to my family every month, it was the next event in my life that put me in awe of God’s power.
I have walk away and disappear from my many debtors for more than 15 years, they must have given up hope completely. I have aged after so many years, my appearance has change too, when I walk pass them, they cannot even recognise me. One would have thought that time heal all wounds, my debts was written off, I could have move on with my life now and fill up my purse.
It was not in my recovery plan to return them the money as the sum was huge and I was not earning enough. I am near the end of life, how many good years do I have left, I fear and thought.
On the other side, my peers in recovery have move towards offering services to the recovery community and their home church but somehow I have struggled to do the same. Maybe God have other plans.
God was the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I have done wrong to my family and many others. As part of my cleansing in recovery, I watch how God turn me back to made amend to my family and later these people who cannot recognise me at all one by one. My priority for them, now has come first before any other services.
I was a hypocrite but my God is righteous. I also notice I speak out less now in any face to face recovery group meetings as I watch in awe the things I was doing more after God took over the steering wheel.
It was easier after I have experience and saw God’s miracle in my life. I have to admit that letting go and letting God, taking my hands off the steering wheel in the beginning was a scary and frightening experience, it was really very tempting to take back the steering wheel when there are hardships, I have panic when things got difficult and tough. I have more faith and trust in God now.
I could have embarked on more self-centred and self-seeking plan building up my nest for my remaining years but I am not controlling the steering wheel now. I trust His plan. I am sure my nest will be taken care when the time comes.
It was nice to know God is helping me made amend to people I have hurt in the past when I could not do it myself. There is joy handing over my earning to them.
I am walking down a different street.