Twighlight and nomore thank you for taking the time to share your experiences. Your advice and honesty is invaluable and I really appreciate it.. I can also see how you have come out the other side!I can honestly say its only by using this site that I am finally starting to become ‘calmer’ and more at ease with myself. If im being completely honest i haven’t always liked to read and accept the points made by those who I just trying to help but when I take a step back that’s what I’m here for.!! Change is tough I do know that but there really is no alternative I also know that!
I have set an appointment this week with a charity that supports gamblers and those affected by it amongst other addictions. I have used them before but am aware much more with what I’m struggling with and that’s communication about our daughter. My CG is in an angry phase with me and he has seen our daughter this week but there is always a slight twist on the arrangements. For example instead of picking her up can i drop her to him; my lack of response then led to can I meet him half way and he will bring her back. So thats what happened. My daughter is so excited to see him and her words are straight away ‘ I love you and miss you daddy’ . my instinct to these requests is no but I still fear the impact on her and hoping to develop strategies to communicate. I have not called my CG for many weeks and left him to make contact to arrange to see our daughter and also not answered if he wants to speak to her as I don’t want this routine to be established and then he will let her down. It is a brief conversation over drop of that I try and establish an exact time of meeting next time and he is vague. He will let me know but if I have plans then that’s fine. I then repeat she needs consistentency and a time needs to be agreed. Again he will let me know we just go round in circles! I therefore called him although again i didn’t think this was a good idea but i dont know how to establish even the basic communication with him anymore. I said he needs to be consistent with her and have regular contact as this is what she needs. This gets me nowwhere . Lots of distraction statements that make no sense’ it’s not about me apparently for once in my life but our daughter’ and he would rather not speak to me’
How on earth do I communicate what our daughter needs. A phone call or face to face does not work. I need to try something new. Email? What is the point as communicating with a CG is not like communicating with others. You usually get some relevant feedback not a strop. I can only ever understand my CG behaviour by likening it to that of a child !
I do not encourage contact. I understand it must come from my CG but he still doesn’t seem to make our daughter priority. I am presently not comfortable with saying no contact as I’m worried about long term impact on our daughter.
So how on earth do you communicate important messages to a CG??
Thanks
M x