Gratitude _ I am grateful to have a job and a stable income now. I am doing better than I expected.
Anxiety and Contentment_I am beginning to struggle and finding trouble sleeping normal now after 3 months on the new job. I am feeling more uneasy and restless, less relax end of the day. The unpleasant feeling of fear and worry is growing in my life.
Fear that I am not performing well at work which is not true, because my quota was 13k a month but I produced 15k in less than a month on my first month, 20k on my second month, I have already completed 13k this month with a week to go.
Worry that I cannot hit my quota which is not true because I have exceeded my minimum quota but I want More. This is why I am a addict, I want More and More, it was always never enough and a sign of an addict ‘s unrealistic expectation.
Feeling insecurity was a part and parcel of the job, they threaten termination if we cannot hit our quota. FEAR OF LOST of job is driving people to work harder.
In the beginning, it was a DESIRE FOR GAIN from job and income security that was driving me to work hard but I didn’t know that my driving factor have change to FEAR this month.
On some days at work, business was real poor despite all the hard work, not every day is good just like living life, there are some really bad and difficult days in between the good days.
Real Threat
I have survived and done well at work because I am doing the same job in a different way at work but I have not used what works for me at work to my personal life.
I was doing the same job and living my life in the old way when I was active acting out. It was insanity and total madness for me to do the same thing and expecting a different result. 3 months has passed since I return to making cold calling in selling. The emotional roller coaster in my life while on this job is threatening to destroy my personal life.
Solution
The solution was not easy but it is simple. There are two power greater than me fighting inside me now. I only need to choose one of the 2 power greater than me, God or my Addiction.
The lesser I listen to God, the more I will listen to me and my addiction, the more powerful it will grow. I get into all kind of troubles when I listen to me.
I need to stay focus on letting God fight the battle for me. I need to have complete trust and give total surrender to God. I have practice it almost daily for 3 months at work, it has done wonder for me. It is time to do the same thing across my life.
I Am Ready_I am ready to accept anything that God gives me in life .I am ready to accept living life on life’s term in recovery.
Recovery is not easy but it is simple_ONE DAY AT A TIME
Today I only need to TRUST GOD, surrender my life and will completely to the care of God. I must accept anything that God gives me in life. It is living life on life ‘s term.
Recovery is an action plan. I must practice ;
ACCEPTANCE & TOLERANT OF ANY DISCOMFORT, PAIN AND SUFFERING,
ACCEPTANCE & PATIENCE, BE STILL- I DO NOT NEED TO INTERVENE OR CHANGE ANYTHING,
ACCEPTANCE & LOVE – UNCONDITIONAL GIVING AND SELF SACRIFICE
ACCEPTANCE & COMMITMENT TO STAY STOP ALL THE WAY REGARDLESS OF THE CONDITIONS – ON SOME DAYS THERE WILL BE UNEASINESS AND DISCOMFORT, THERE WILL BE STRESS, FRUSTRATION, ANGER, PAIN AND SUFFERING….
Dishonesty – I have my OFF DAY in RECOVERY. I have not been honest, I have listen to my head and give in to my desire when the urge and temptation was strong.
I told myself; This time, the result will be different, I will be more careful.
ISM
I sold myself
I sabotage myself
Incredible Short Memory – After getting into troubles so many times, I can still forget the extreme pain and suffering it brings me when I hit rock bottom, it is so SHOCKING but TRUE for any addict.
Recovery is an action plan
It was useless if I have acceptance but do nothing about my intolerant, impatient, selfish, self-centered, self-seeking, impulsive, compulsive ways…
