HOw are you doing End? I can totally relate to everything you wrote. I am on meds, and am constantly beating myself up. If I had had the ability and sense to stop last year, exactly this time last year, then I would not be in this position. If I had worked harder on our big project it would have been finished sooner. Much sooner. I should have paid off the company debts when we had the money. I should have been more organised. I can go on and on. I am so close to killing myself. But what good will that do, I just leave a mess behind. Is that the answer? I hope not.
Please write again and let us know how you are. We love you loads. We are here to support you. I know that now I have given up gambling for 10 days this is just withdrawel. That will pass, but when will I get myself back.
All the best