thanks Laura for your reply above, i always like reading your posts and i hope you are well, i read that you are just about ready for Christmas, that’s lovely to hear and how different without the pressures of losing to gambling. Enjoy the little simple things Laura. Not gambling gives us the gift of appreciating very small things in life 🙂
well i am on day 60, it feels easier to not gamble but it’s still there at the back of my mind so i tread with caution and with saying that i did nearly gamble 2 nights ago although i am not sure that i was ever going to go through with it.
i went to see my family on Monday and drop presents off, it didn’t all quite go according to plan, there was an incident which left me with a black eye and swollen cheekbone and feeling somewhat sorry for myself, the first thing i did when i got away from there is go to the bookies, fed my money in, chose my bets and hovered over “place bet” i have never changed my mind on gambling when i have got to this point but i was questioning myself, do i really want to do this? will winning make me happy? luckily i had an appointment the next day with my therapist which was the deal sealer as i really didnt want to go in and say “merry Christmas, i placed a bet yesterday” so i withdrew my voucher from the terminal and got my money back. i definitely use gambling as a means to escape ( amongst other reasons) but apart from that it’s getting easier not to gamble 🙂
i really look forward to my sessions each week now even though i may end up feeling like crap during them, i think there is a lot of connections that i have never been able to make as to why i do the things i do and the more i understand the more control i have over the choices i make
Christmas is going to be challenging but that’s all it is…a challenge and i usually like a good challenge so i’m determined to come out unscathed, So unreal to think that 9 weeks ago i was selling stuff in the nick of time to fuel my car for work and living off of 25p value ginger nut biscuits.