Well I wen’t from the most positive I’ve been in a long time to being at a new low. I wen’t to orientation today for the new job. The whole time I spent praying that nothing came up on my background check. Finally after 8 hours there I figured I was in the clear. So orientation ends and we are starting to leave when my department heads says to us “I still have to check references, but I don’t expect any problems there”. Now this was something I didn’t think would be a problem because I was hired. I had figured they’d done all that they needed to or they wouldn’t have wasted the time and money of training me. I’m worried about this obviously because of what my ex employer could and probably will say about me.
I’m so frustrated right now. I’ve been having those thoughts again, the thoughts of where do I really go from here. Do I really have a chance at a normal life. How will I ever pay all the money back if I can’t find a job. And as horrible as it is to admit I’ve once again entertained the thoughts of just ending it. I of course never would, at least I don’t think, but I’ve backed myself into a corner where it seems there is no escape. The ceiling and floor are crushing me.
It wouldn’t be so bad if this were my first rejection but I’ve been filling out apps for months.
After I got home today my phone rang and I know the number was the new job. I was so scared of what my ex employer had told them that fear kept me from answering the phone. They didn’t leave a message so now I have to wait two days and stress about all of this.
I know we can’t control everything and I shouldn’t get myself so worked up but every time it seems I get a little bit of a break I end up getting shot down even harder.
UGH!!!!!
