Hi Caroline
I don’t think you are the remotest bit silly – In my opinion it would only be silly if you didn’t come back and ask questions when you are not sure what I meant – so well done you.
It is far too easy to stop seeing friends, to stop walking in the park and enjoying the laughter of your children when the addiction to gamble is consuming your thoughts 24 hours a day – it is sadly too easy to forget to be happy. It is important, therefore, to take time every day to do things that give you pleasure, to do things that make you laugh and give you some peace because such things will help you cope.
Suggesting to a CG that they do something can often be met with excuses – there is no money, they are busy, they don’t feel well, they are tired – resulting in sadness and disappointment for those who love them. That sadness and disappointment is welcomed by an addiction because it gives the CG an excuse to gamble, Do things because ‘you’ want to do them to avoid disappointment. Of course if your partner wants to come that is good and in my opinion should be welcomed.
I wish I had longer to write to you this evening but I have to be elsewhere soon. In your conversation tomorrow try and listen carefully to what your partner is saying rather than trying to tell him what you think he should do. This might sound a little negative but it keeps you out of the centre of any possible argument. As you listen maybe you can see ways to support him that have not been evident before. Maybe you could tell him you are seeking help because you want to support him the best way that you can.
It would be good to ‘see’ you in the group tomorrow evening where we can ‘talk’ in real time. 20.00-21.00 hours UK time – you will be very welcome.
I will write to you again soon
Velvet
