Hi Zed
I gambled for a decade and with the right help I have been able to stop.
I am still having counselling which I feel would be helpful for you, especially as you had a difficult childhoods .
The thing to remember is that you can recover and that relapse isn’t inevitable.
Perhaps you will make it to some of the chat groups where you will get help with setting barriers which make it difficult to gamble .
The urges to gamble can be extremely strong but if you ride them they will eventually stop.
Keep strong and believe that you deserve recovery