Don’t think I’ve commented on your thread before, and don’t really know the ins and outs of your story/journey. But would like to say something with the best of intentions about your current situation with regards to the “estrangement” with your kids.
You say in your post, “if only they realise how much they hurt me mentally”. If it’s your kids your talking about, you didn’t realise how much you hurt them for chunks of your life when gambling, and doing what put you in jail.
I’ve been in your position too mate, things between my daughter and me have been a lot different since I went to prison when she was 13, my case was in the papers mate and local news it had a devastating effect on her. I am no longer estranged but things are far from normal between us. She’s 26 this year.
If it’s the “authorities” that you refer to they will have been told all about your gambling and past.
Sadly I think it’s one of those things that we have to accept in order to progress through life.
One thing is certain if you return to gambling, or prison, the likelihood is that the estrangement will last a lot lot longer. By getting on with recovery they will eventually see you are trying, you will be able to show them how you are managing to live gamble free and crime free.
As I said I don’t know too much about you other than you’ve been posting on GT for a while now. I do read this thread so know you work nights and each day you’re putting a pound in your kitty. Hopefully there’s £23 in it now, why don’t you buy a “thinking of you card” with it for each the two kids or maybe one card between them and send the £20 for a treat?
I’ve never wanted to butt in on your thread mate because it’s obvious you are trying really hard and want to turn your life around, you are heading in the right direction too and I don’t want to come on and be all critical.
However saying as I’m here I might aswell tell you I think your keeping the kitty in your house where you can get to it is not really a good idea, well not in my opinion anyway. Three months down the line you’ll have near enough a hundred quid in it mate, that three months worths could be gone in the wink of an eye if you had a bad day and just thought “f** it” as we sometimes do, as you know. Would it not make more sense to keep the kitty somewhere secure at work?
Mate I do admire what you’re doing and sympathise with you regards to the estrangement, and completely empathise with you regards your recovery. But recovery is all about living one day at a time in order to create a positive gamble free future, as CGs after we’ve cocked up again I think we all ask ourselves why did we do it again, if only I’d done this or done that. I’m not saying you will gamble again mate, but one thing we can all do to help prevent it is not to have spare cash lying about.
I don’t keep track of the number of days myself but if I did I wouldn’t like to commemorate each day by adding money to a tin and keep it next to my computer. CGs don’t handle cash well I would certainly think about keeping it at work or someone else’s house where you can’t get easy access to it.
Take care Micky, all the best.
Geordie.