Hi, well done on looking for help.
I can’t call you crazy but, from what you say, I can call you addicted.
You stopped before so the good news is you know you can stop. Did you use any form of support last time? If so did you continue with it in recovery?
You kow you can stop, this time you have support here, you can also use other support such as Gamblers Anonymous meetings. The thing to remember this time though is that if we need help to stop gambling then it is also important to use support to maintain recovery. Keep posting here, keep using any other support that you use.
If you did use any support the last time you stopped then get back to it – you know it works. Keep posting here as well and you will be stronger still.
When it comes to borrowing money then make sure any repayment plan is a sustainable one.
Keep posting.