Hi Wasteaway. I really feel for you, I’ve been there. I am only 10 days into being clean after gambling heavily for 3 years, and am close to losing everything. I too have a small son and my own business, which has really suffered. There are others on here who can help much better than I. You should try and get on the support groups this evening and speak with people, especially people like Charles who is lovely and has been in recovery a long time.
Can you find out where your nearest GA is? You need to speak with other compulsive gamblers, they will understand. GA can help you stop of you really want to. Even though I am 10 days in, I am having strong urges to find ways of gambling. I have put NetNanny on my computer, given all access to my finances to my wife, but still my addcited brain is tryng to think of ways around that.
You need to put blockers in place as quickly as possible. That was my mistake – I didn’t take my illness seriously enougha t the start. I heard all the horror stories of people losing everything but I was arrogant – that isn’t me, I said to myself. I am not a loser. And yet I am – and I did it anyway My last 2 gamboing sessions were horrific. I was draine dby thee nd and although I didn’t lose money I felt nothing winning it. I still think if I won a huge amount I would stop – but to do that means giving in to the devil, and I hate where it takes my head.
Think of your family, think of your future. You do not want you future to be like this. Gambling addiction kills – it has the highest suicide rate of all addictions. People lose everything, there is no rock bottom. You can keep going down. I am sick of it, and yet my brain still thinks of ways to gamble, which I have to deal with – my urges and triggers.
I hope you can get to GA soon and speak to someone on the helpline here.
Keep posting your thoughts, don’t bottle them up. If your mum doesn’t understand, then you need to speak with your wife or someone else. Gambling addiction does not get the attention it deserves, but it is a full on sickness which will leave you with nothing.
I hope you can find a way into recovery.
My love to you and yours.
Mav