Hi Vera
I too am saddened that I looked for a way around the software. I know I am a CG and that I am in control of my actions, but part of me still wants the ‘excitement’ of gambling, the promise of winning money. I almost lost all the money I had in the world, but more importantly now I have come clean to my family I have more trust to rebuild. Today is now lost to doing the work that needed to be done. I am astonished by how stupid I am and continue to be. I have achieved nothing this year at all, except gamble, feel sorry for myself, gamble again etc etc.
You are right that the money I ‘won’ brings no joy. It did yesterday and now it feels dead. I will make sure I spend it properly on good things.
I have applied to GMA. I hope to start soon, after I sort stuff out here.
I feel like I let everyone down, not least my wife, son, family, friends etc. I have nothing left. I have to make this a new rock bottom. And rebuild from here, day by day. So this is a new day 1.
Vera, how long have you been clean for? What measures were you able to put in place to stay clean?
Again, thanks for posting, it means a lot.
M