Hi Vera,
what a nightmare those emotions you are feeling are and the way in which you described them was very raw and real.
I have read to date all you posts ( on other peoples postings too)
the power is within us to start or stop . What I know is the more you feed the addiction the stronger it gets and dominates us. I have not gambled since I last stopped and have continued to come here to read
havd faith in yourself and please do care. There are so many people that care about you and really wish you well. gambling is destructive and ruins everything in its path. It will cloud your judgement and damage your self esteem.
you seem like a lovely person and deserve better. Every single person here deserves a life free of gambling.
please do keep writing and sharing.