Hi Velvet, Vera.
Thanks again for your refreshing posts.
Thanks for the update about the group. I definitely got the time wrong last week.
The channel name at the bottom of the support group page says “Friends & Family Peer Support (V) Every week, on Thursday, from 21:00 to 22:00” so this might need updating if possible.
I’m definitely not happy to know that CG is an addict and just accept it. I guess i just dont know the best thing to do. I want to support him so I’m trying not to be negative about the situation but perhaps I just avoid the situation. I would estimate that probably about 90% of what I have expressed on here I wouldnt be able to say to CG. It took me 3 months to even tell him I had been and got support.
But I’ve sat and reflected a lot on this today and maybe that is because i’ve just been too weak to really tackle the issue head on. and although I am trying to understand and look after myself and my own wellbeing, I am still being weak and not making the decision I should be making. Honestly, I’m scared of the days, weeks, months, years of pain.
I dont think I’m ignorant to the addiction. but even I act like an addict towards him. He does something that I would tell my friends isnt acceptable. I tell myself it isnt acceptable. But then i calm down and maybe he will do something to remind me its good or i convince myself it will be better/different/something will change this time surely and I’m back again.
I feel like moving away and starting my new job is all part of my forward steps and getting myself back on track but ive become impatient. My friend asked me what was stopping me just handing in my notice and starting the process now but I want to do it the right way. Knowing I have secured my new job and where I am going. Going back to my parents jobless isnt what I want and neither is staying here in this tortuous job and annoying home.
With regards to CG, i see the vunerable, self-conscious side to him quite a lot when he lets himself show that side of him to me. I dont see him as the life and soul of the party at all but he is very very easy to love and to get people to take a shine to him.
I would think that CG believes that he is only worthy of the shitandgrief life and i dont think he could sit comfortably with empty over stressful.
I just want to be stronger than I am.