Thank you for asking! Our relationship has been getting better, more or less. Since I’ve started therapy I’ve been really working on myself and putting myself first after years of ‘taking care’ of him. I also worked on not getting bothered (I should rephrase really – not showing him I was bothered) if he stays out late or during prolonged hours of silence. A consequence of this has been that he was a lot more honest and upfront with me. Maybe his guilt was kicking in?
I’m unfortunately experiencing a set-back in this new found attitude. I’m having issues with trusting him. I’m not able to at all and it’s showing in my behaviour towards him. I’m not able to restrain my anxiety as much as I’ve been doing for the past couple of weeks. He’s acting shady and I’m letting it affect me again.
I’m so frustrated with the endless cycle. He can never restrain himself more than a couple of weeks, two months tops. Those weeks, months are just bliss. But I find myself waiting for the relapse each time during those times. I guess it’s my way of protecting myself, but I’m also afraid it has some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy effect. It’s also why I’m hesitant on updating my posts when everything is going great. Too afraid that if I write it down, I will jinx it.
For him, it’s just normal to go out after work and not let me know anything. I’ve noticed that I’ve accepted this as normal behaviour, even though it’s not. He also doesn’t feel the need to be honest with me when I ask him the next day where he was and what he was doing. He doesn’t think I need to know everything. Those are his literal words. Then gets angry when I tell him that I think he’s gambling again.
At 28, after a serious, long-term relationship of 3,5 years, I’m just finding myself thinking this is not something I’m able to accept any longer. Regardless if he’s gambling during this time or just out with friends, it does not help me build the trust back he has taken away from me so often already. I’m not sure yet what I’m going to do with this realization. Ultimatums do not work on him. I’ve communicated endless times to him that this is something that bothers me. But he keeps doing it anyway.
A lot to think about for me. Any advice you can give me is very much appreciated..