Hi Velvet
Thank you for your response.
It is only me, and has been for the past 11 years. His father left because of gambling issues.
That possible is the beginning of my son’s problems, he was very close to his dad but once his dad meet someone else he distanced himself from the boys very quickly and began a new family. My boys see him once a week for a couple of hours and see him more as a friend who treats them to a game of pool/table tennis/badminton and a mcdonalds. They choose more often than not not to go nowadays.
My son and his dad shared a love of football and through that is where i think the gambling may have been introduced. My son will now gamble on anything even an ice hockey match which he knows nothing about.
I am not scared of him, and for some reason even if I may have been I have never shown it.
I have been through a very bad time, I was bullied in my last job with detrimental effects which resulted in a suicide attempt. At the same time my eldest son was horrendously abusive and would constantly damage things in the home. My other two were very scared of him at that point. My eldest, to this day, blames himself. In my mind I was in no fit state to help any of them.
Yesterday was horrendous, he had bought tickets for a concert for his brothers birthday. But as he has not been going to work he had no money for travel. I agreed to buy the train tickets but he had to clean his room first (I cannot describe the state he lets it get into. After hours of verbal abusive he did it. Then he wanted money for beer. I refused telling him he need to try and enjoy things with out some sort of substance to alter his emotions. Another few hours of abuse. Eventually they set off, the only problem was that having bought the train tickets online they needed my card to collect them.
I gave this to my middle son with the instructions, don’t let him have it.
My eldest took the card off my middle son and used it to buy beer (dam this new swipe system). When the concert finished they ended up missing the last train home. I get a phone call from him to tell me which ends up in him swearing at me and demanding that I get them. If my middle son hadn’t been with him I would have left him to sleep in the train station. So a round trip of 3 hours gets them home. No thanks, just this continual expectation that it is my role to help in out in any situation. He then went out and even at 4am I had no idea where he was.
My life is like this every day.
I really like my new job but I need to prove myself quickly. The training is intense. I just wish he would give me a break.
I t takes every ounce of strength to keep my resolve and not give him money. I just want an end to it.
My family are aware of what is going on and offer ‘advice’ so often that I am at the point where its easier not to discuss it anymore. There just cannot comprehend the enormity of it all.
I keep telling myself that we will get through this but I am scared that I might not be quite strong enough.