Hi Valley
Anger is so painful isn’t it? Sadly, we hurt ourselves more than the person we feel the anger towards when we harbour it.
Many years ago, a member posted the following which I think is worth repeating
. • Forgiveness isn’t condoning the behaviour.
• Forgiveness isn’t forgetting what happened.
• Forgiveness isn’t restoring trust.
• Forgiveness isn’t synonymous with reconciliation.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean doing the other person a favour.
• Forgiveness isn’t easy.
You have had a horrible time and I am not seeking to suggest that your father’s behaviour towards you was anything but insensitive, uncaring and unfeeling. You deserved better.. However it may help to know that your father is not a happy man, he won’t like who he is and he would not have wanted or asked for his addiction.
Having said all that, I know there is a lot in between the lines of your post that you have not written and I can imagine it is incredibly hard not to feel anger. Do you have any relationship now with your mother and if so, have you been able to talk to her about the way you felt and still feel?
Are you still living at home or can you avoid seeing your father altogether?
Have you talked to your siblings about your upbringing and how they feel now?
Please keep posting Valley, I know we have only just met but I do know what it is like to live with a compulsive gambler and I recognise your feelings, so you are not alone.
Velvet