Hi Twnmum,
All I can say is that I’m sorry for your loss. It’s clearly been a hard time for you, and gambling looks like it’s been your way of escaping the truth.
Did you have a gambling problem before your husband passed away?
I’m 4 weeks clean today and all I can say is it DOES get better. I’m 21 years old and I’ve been gambling since I was 18. I never gambled as much as your or others have done, because I couldn’t get my hands on that amount of money, otherwise I’m sure I would have.
I have to say that the first 72 hours are the hardest. You have it so stuck into your daily routine that you almost feel ill and empty as what you used to do for 10 hours a day you no longer can. You don’t know what to do with your time and it is VERY hard.
Then once you get past the 2 week barrier (I call it this because it takes 2 weeks to get into or out of a habbit), it becomes a lot easier. You only think about it when it randomly pops into your head, and that’s maybe a couple of times a day. I barely even think about it anymore, and when I do, the thought goes within almost seconds.
The hardest bit by far for me hasn’t been stopping gambling, it’s been facing up to the problems that made me gamble. I used to escape them by gambling, and now that I’m gamble free (for the time being and hopefully forever), you realise I realise that I’ve been almost “dead” for years. I got paid, I gambled it in 3 days, then I worked and slept til my next pay day. Month after month after month. I didn’t live. At all.
I’m sure your story is different but will have similarities. All I can say to you is that I feel happy again. It feels so good and the sense of accomplishment is indescribable. I’ve never been so proud of anything in my life.
It IS possible. It DOES feel better. And you know what? It’s EASIER than you think it is.
I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong, stay positive.
MrExon