Hi Toyman
I believe that learning to cope and do the best thing for everybody, once there is an awareness of an addiction to gamble, is the right way forward for those whose loved ones have a problems with gambling, rather than trying to establish a cause.
I am not disabusing your wife’s assertion that she escaped into gambling because of a discussion between her and your son but I am concerned that this assertion tends to imply that you son was in some way responsible for your wife’s gambling binge whereas it was your wife choice to gamble – your son was not to blame.
Busy jobs do make it difficult for non-CGs to monitor finances and I understand that your children ask for small amounts here and there but unfortunately cash to your wife is the same as a drink to an alcoholic. I don’t know how old they are, but are your children aware that their mother has a problem with gambling? If they are aware they could be encouraged to only ask you or another trusted family member for cash.
It is possible Toyman from what you have outlined in your posts that your wife has a problem with gambling and is possibly not fully addicted in which case pulling her back from the brink would be fantastic.
Talking to CGs who have controlled their addiction, or who are trying to control their addiction, is considered by many CGs to be the best therapy available and often the only thing that made any difference and changed anything – it works for those with a problem over their gambling too. Please do not overrule GA – anything to support your wife has to be worth trying. For my own part, I saw counsellors, a psychiatrist and doctors because I believed the problem in my home was down to me losing my sanity. I explained everything that was going on in my home but not one of them ever suggested that another family member had a compulsion to gamble even though I now know that everything I was saying clearly pointed to this fact. It was only in Gamanon that I found the support that I needed.
‘If’ you still consider that your wife should see a physiatrist first and she would prefer that to going to GA, please ensure he/she is qualified in the addiction to gamble – I have heard of CGs who have convinced the psychiatrist that they do not have the addiction and then having got their ‘get out of jail free card’ they carried on indulging their addiction with alacrity.
You say you have been down this road before – is that recently? Has your wife used gambling as a means of escape many times before?
Your wife’s exhaustion is understandable whether she is compulsive or has a gambling problem. A CG cannot win, the addiction to gamble is one of failure and constant failure destroys self-esteem and self-confidence.
I will wait to hear from you again but in the meantime I wish you both well.
Velvet
