Hi Tiki456 I am sorry so sorry you are in this really bad place right now! This sounds like it is your own very personal rock bottom and it is not a good place to be. But you can take 1 step and then another no matter how impossible it can seem at this very moment.
I can identify with every word you have said even though I know in me writing that it will make no difference to how you are feeling right now. Make it your mission to self exclude and ban yourself from EVERY CASINO you can. That is a start. Try do at least 1 thing every day no matter how small to try to improve your situation. Things can and do change over time.
If you want to chat on skype on even a phone call I am here. I can give you my contact details. I can even call you as I have a very good almost free phone service. Reach out get help get support. We are all here for you!!!!