Hi Tara,
I did reply to your message but it has disappeared so I will have to try and rewrite it. Maybe it will have a different perspective today.
I am definitely similar to you in many ways. And have definitely been guilty of enabling and falling into the trap of joining in, as it was something we could both enjoy (obviously, at the time i didnt realise the impact I was having joining in and dont encourage the gambling anymore.)
The gambling monster is rearing its head big time at the minute and the more we are creeping towards my CGs favourite pasttime – horses – big events (Cheltenham, Grand National) the more severe the gambling and the lies are getting.
That’s the thing i struggle with the most, knowing i’m being lied to and not knowing what to say…
Of course the answer is no i dont want gambling in my life and i will continue to push that. But, I know that this just makes my CG want to hide more.
For me the road out is long and difficult because I know that I am not emotionally stable enough to deal with not having him in my life anymore. Maybe that’s selfish but the truth is I really love him and it is his selfish actions which are driving me away.
You will never sound as preachy as some of my friends and, whilst I am better at talking to them now, for a while I wasn’t. They know I’m having counselling and I am talking again.
For a long time I was hiding what was going on from everyone around me. Mainly, due to CG’s manipulation that he would make it clear that he was unhappy that I was “slagging him off to anyone who would listen”. Obviously, I know better than this now and everyday I am learning more and getting stronger.
I agree that the processes are the same so I’m just trying to take comfort from what others around me say. I know i must be so frustrating to others on here that know i need to step away. It just isnt that easy for me right now…
Everyday is a battle. Everyday i feel differently about the situation.