Hi Sully
I think you are saying that your partner accepts he has an addiction to gamble and that he wants to change – but is saying that has not found the way to do so that is right for him.
Not all groups of people and not all services are a perfect fit for everyone. It might be that another GA group would give your partner the support that he needs so if it was me I would encourage him to try again.
If your partner does want to live a ‘normal’ life, it seems to me he has to try again to find the support that suits him. On this site we have a terrific one-to-one helpline, a forum for CGs who want to change their lives and CG only groups.
Unfortunately you are right; often the things you say don’t make things any better although if your words appear to make things worse it is probably because your partner is using your words as an excuse to carry on indulging his addiction. Listening is more important than talking Sully – it helps you to see the fuller picture and decide what is right.
Giving money to a CG is the same as giving a drink to an alcoholic; bailing your partner out from his debts only enables his addiction so I hope you are keeping your finances separate and safe.
You cannot make your partner happy, you cannot save him but you can make a difference. Have you told him that you are seeking support? Maybe if you did it would encourage him to be more active in seeking further support for himself. From your posts it seems to me that your partner knows what he should be doing but is choosing not to do it at the moment so looking after you is the best thing you can do for him. Seeing you worrying and fretting will not change him but seeing you happy, indulging ‘your’ interests, hobbies and friends will help him to realise how strong you are and give him a reason to believe that there is a good life to be had after addiction. Those who love CGs Sully can lose self-esteem and confidence just as the CG does – so it is important to remember that it is not you that owns the addiction and therefore you do not have to allow it to ruin your life which helps nobody – least of all your partner.
Keep posting – you are being heard
Velvet
